Just a short writeup.. have been quite emotional lately. Having so much thoughts, like how I always do. Haha!

Not sure if anyone’s reading here. But today I just felt like I needed a space where not much people know of, for an outlet source of all my contained unhappiness hidden in my heart..

Perhaps tuning myself into some slow and sad songs makes me even sadder. That’s why I’m here to release my bottled unhappiness.

I felt I put in too much emotions into people whom I really care for… Sometimes I ask myself should I put in my feelings into it or can I control myself and hold myself back.. So! Then I won’t feel so compressed when they disappoint me. Was it me that I get disappointed easily or was it me that I hold onto some expectations that I shouldn’t have…

There and then, I find myself wanting to keep myself pre-occupied with things so I do not have too much time to let my mind idle too much and end up feeling so upset by things. I hate how negativity gets into me.. it felt so uncomfortable I can’t even get things/work done properly. I really wanna be okay all again.

When can I perk myself up and be ready for challenges in life again? Please let me have the strength and ability to tide over all these negativity so I can be productive on my work all over again.

Didn’t want to talk about this to anyone.. hence leaving it here.. Wish that all the gods out there would give me faith in life to be happy again 🙂

Hi everybody. Logged in and witnessed 4 drafts on my wordpress homepage. In case you wonder why, it was all because whenever I wanna hit ‘Publish’, I’m frightened by how the public might judge me as. (Oh why! why is this world always judging and why do I always have to mind how people view me as… Pfft!) Always reminding myself that I live for myself and I should stand by this belief… However, the fears of making my own feelings known to the public got me all the withdrawal syndromes…

Anyone has been looking forward to read some updates about me? As much as I want to share, I just don’t wish to share too much of my personal things online. Online publishing can get unnecessary backlash on you without you thinking it will. I used to experience a bad one when I was in my younger days, and as I age, I’ve learnt that the best/worst things might not need to leave any trace.. Especially on online spaces.

Anyway, some little highlights of my life:

1. My office has shifted from the old place @ Tanjong Pagar (Awwww, that’s my most favorite hanging out place be it during or after work)
2. I’m happy with what I’ve got now
3. Doing livestreaming @ Elelive (Do follow me @shortie 矮冬瓜 if you haven’t!)
4. Joined Starzstruck as a KOL (tho a little inactive on creating video contents but I try to keep my social spaces updated as much as I can)
5. Grown to realize the importance of keeping people who love you unconditionally very dear to myself, always appreciating and be very thankful for that few…
6. Always hustling and not wasting any time I’ve got! I’m happy w it!

Lately, have did so much thinking about my life and changed my perspectives of things so much. Learnt to let go of so much things, found out that sometimes if you let go of things that makes you unhappy, you can change your life to be happy all over again. Many times we get upset because we hold onto something that don’t serve us happiness anymore so tightly only to realize what we hold onto was just a past that isn’t the same anymore.

For all those negativity, shoo away from my life please! Everyday I learn to be a better person, everyday I do my own reflections and think of how can I be a better person. For all those shortcomings, I thank all the odds that made me stronger today. I’m also a human, there are many or even PLENTY of downtime… but I know I needa channel my energy on the right priorities so I get myself moving forward to my goals even more productively… Everyone has their own bits of ups and downs. Don’t just assume that everyone or anyone out there is always happy, cuz no one wants to share every grievances online, everyone just want to show the best things in their life… no?

It’s March 31st today, April is approaching…. time flies fast enough! One quarter of the year just flew past like this! Have everyone done anything fruitful this year? I think I’ve worked hard enough the post covid period, even if I look back the post Covid months that has passed so far… I’m happy I did what I could do mend the holes during Covid. What about you guys? Are you guys happy today? Have you guys done anything fruitful during this post covid period?

I can say… I’m pretty much happy and contented with life now… and I hope you, as my reader will do as what I am to! Let’s all get better ourselves and be happy everyday 🙂

2019 is coming to an end so abruptly.

Feels like time hasn’t shown any mercy on me, didn’t want 2020 to come so quick and my age to accelerate yet another year (i.e. +1).

Better or not, I guess being thru so much this year taught me better that to live is to breathe thru the air of positivity, no one deserves anything lesser. Sometimes you can do a lot with silence, you get all your thinkings sorted in silence, while others might choose likewise. I used to think that explaining myself was necessary to resolve issues, but I was so wrong not to realize that it depends on what kind of people you’re dealing with, and how people react to your explanations, you decide if your explanations were really necessary.

I guess I’m slowly learning to open myself up to what’s out there for me, I’ve missed out a lot of things while being so busy with work the entire time. 2020 is gonna be a new year, new start for me and I’m so not gonna waste my time anymore since I realize I didn’t achieve as much as I wished I have, but at least I guess I’m contented my hard work did not go down the drain entirely, since most of the time was spent working and hustling around. Time wasn’t that much spent on leisure…

I miss all my friendsssssss, can’t wait to see and hang out with them on January, aft that one month grace of “rest”, I guess I will be back disciplined doing my stuffs and get my heart set on moving towards my goals SINCE time waits for no one!

It’s important who you hang out with and who change you for the better be it spiritually or mentally, and with that, I’m very ready to make wiser choices in life this upcoming 2020, I’m so determined to start my life afresh, gonna grind so hard I make every dreams on my mind POSSIBLE and I’m sure it’s gonna HAPPEN! 

So much love is left to give, and I’m not keeping it anymore, Love is free! #Giveittoday

I will be better, it’s been the most painful thing to go thru earlier, but I have faith I’m gonna make myself well and strong again. #chinsup #IbelieveIcanfightthis

Stay tuned for my next update, promise it’d be a lively one!

To a better year ahead, xx

 

 

 

 

It was a topsy turvy roller coaster ride from the past 2 months.. Tho this year was already a topsy turvy one, but the past 2 months was even crazier.

So much thoughts on my mind, get to see so much, get to experience so much, it’s crazy how 2 months could make me see so much I really wonder what am I doing..

I’m tuning in IU’s music, realize her music matches my mood.

Crazy how the people around me shared so much with me about life, trying to pick me up from the most bottom, yet I still can’t find the inner peace in myself. Was it too much passion I placed in into things I shouldn’t..? That I got myself hurt time and time again and still so determined to push things on.. Sometimes I just wanna fuck it, and freaking get going w my life. But why I kept got pulled back?

One thing I know.. I’m really not happy about my life now. But where do I go about from where I am now..? Do I choose myself over things or do I choose to follow my heart?

Can’t really share what I wanna here, but I’m certainly hurt. Very. Not sure what can I say about all these.. Perhaps I got everything to be blamed. Since I chose this myself, I have to bear all the responsibility for being hurt…..

I really need to stop feeling so negative, this negativity is freaking ripping me apart I need to kill it so it stop killing me like I’m dying a slow death from it.

I’m in desperate need of catharsis.

 

Why is this week so harsh on me T_T

I thought the month of November would be better than Oct. But I was so wrong. Sleepless nights, having insomnias despite being so tired from work.. Just when I was so lost in life, a voice told me ” As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. So please always be happy.”

I was almost brought to tears. I feel so ashamed of myself……

Anyway, I have forgotten I invited guests on Friday and Saturday for my birthday. Someone had to remind me. This was how bad my week was I’ve forgotten everything happening this weekend. This year, my birthday wish is to be happy. Can people just let be happy for one time? I promise to deal with everything after this weekend, can I?

I’ve never felt so crossed in life before. Can someone just give me a hug and tell me I really matter to them? I feel so unimportant and unwanted sometimes….

Not for December to come, and everything comes to a hault for november.

Then again, will Santa arrive in time to grant me the wish I make for this Xmas if December don’t happen? Santa, can you come to me on November?

Do you ever feel that whatever you share online is gonna be a kind of harassment people gonna harass you on and you just completely give up on sharing your thoughts and whatever happened in your life, feeling that keeping things private is a way to lead your life peacefully, without any questions asked? I mean, do I need to explain myself over something I’m happy about that happened today right?

Then… People start to pry what’s happening in your life. People start to think you’re a private person. But have they ever wonder, do all the questionings that come after sharing things about their life mean people would pry even further, making them feel that they just shouldn’t share anything online, and believe in keeping whatever happened known to oneself would be a way to make oneself feel better? Feeling distraught and restricted.. I got to keep everything very private and personal all best made known to myself and only me…

Everything online can destroy every bits and pieces of joy you have when your own intention is just simply wanting to record all the beautiful or even just little happy moments you have.. who really wanna share all the unhappiness over online? More than usual, people only show all the good things online. Because that’s also something worth leaving a record for… Why would you wanna write about something bad and keep it there, and 5 years down the road, you read your archives and start recollecting all the bad incidents that happened in your life. Is there a purpose in it? We would only want to forget everything bad that has happened and don’t even wanna recall anything about it.

I just hope one day, people can come to realize, I become who I am today, I’m not sharing everything online because I’d rather keep mum about all my happiness and unhappiness so I could feel much at ease no one knows anything about me, no one ain’t gonna ask me anything I am not happy/wish to answer…..

This year has been a topsy turvy one. Like whooosh! What a crazy and intense roller coaster I’ve been on. SOOOOO much have come and go. I’m so amazed how many people I can meet in a year and even more amazed at how some people are still there for me as of today. I’m thankful. I’m blessed :’)

Sometimes it’s really okay to lose some friends, if staying in the friendship brings you expectations that fails you, perhaps letting go sets yourself free from all those expectations that you inevitably placed on them cuz you value them as part of your life. I’m not sure if it’s really right to think that letting go of people is a way to let go all the expectations you have on them and they failing you time and time again. It’s okay if things don’t go the way you want it, cuz in life we need to go thru all these to value things that are always there regardless.

I find that there’s so much I wanna express but whenever I’m in front of the screen, I just can’t seem to pen down the exact feelings I have towards those ten thousand million thoughts I have on mind. Problem?

Anyways! Sometimes I think I’m a little ambitious, I keep on wanting to do so many things in my life but I find that there’s too much things I wanna do that I make myself so tired sometimes I think I overtire myself by accident(?) Was it or was it me feeling stress that I’m turning 30 soon and I just wanna achieve something of my own that belongs to my own hardwork, all the effort I put in and reap what I sow? Just so I can be proud of myself, and gave my name a good introduction?

Pssssst. I’m too greedy.

1. Apply for my marketing degree
2. Help my friend on his business (not really wanting to share much on this as everything hasn’t been confirmed and I’m not very confident)
3. Set up an accessories IG & FB business(?)
4. Set up my youtube channel to document videos that I enjoy doing? (if i master the art of editing videos successfully)

Ahhhh… and just wanna keep on improving myself to be a better soul than who I am yesterday.

I really think I give myself so much “wishlist” and “to-do(s)” sometimes I need to slow down but then again, will time really wait for me? *Procrastination thoughts kicking in*

I wish I get to check all this list slowly and steady one fine day. But they say it’s always good to know what you wanna do cuz at least you know what you want and slowly move your way there. I’m gonna get there. Fighting. I will be there!

Wait for me! Be right back. Geez. *snugs*