life

New year, New Start, New thoughts.

/ littlebubblymidget / Leave a comment

Hello little readers out there (If you happen to be reading my updates)

Sorry that it isn’t frequent that I do my updates here because many times I want to pen things down, I realize I’m not at my best form to express myself online and I do not want my blog posts to all look very emotional. Just as anyone would also reiterate, I’m just like anyone who’s gonna say, lotsa things happened in 2023(laughs) But yeah! It is really tons of ups and downs and I’m glad I’m still alive and kicking till date.

That being said, I guess I just want to give myself a chance to even voice out that though I may look like I’m strong, unfeeling to things or even look like things don’t really bother me on the surface, but many times I do feel like I’m about to crumble or I just feel quite upset that it seems like I do not even have the courage to even show that I’m weak, I do have my fair share of breaking down. In fact I really am not that strong and I do break down as and when but I only do that behind closed doors. I always tell myself I have to learn how to think logical and not be emotional towards things/people who have do or say things that hurt me, but no matter how that case is, I am still emotionally affected by it. To be honest, I really hated myself for that.

People around me always think I’m that cheerful little kid, but I guess I can only talk to this space to sound myself out or to have a space where I can rightfully express myself and hopefully, people who cares would find out this space of mine and read how I actually feel, so they will not constantly think that I’m that unfeeling to things just because I’m not so expressive of how I feel on the inside. I think it takes alot of courage and ego out of me to even say that to people that matter to me and I’ve no idea why is that so. I wish I had that courage to even say out how I really feel for things/people whom really mattered to me. Somehow, I just sucked at it.

That being said, I’ve recently developed some small little hobby for myself like walking long distance home to sort my thinkings out, or things like reading books(something I’d never believe I’d be hooked or enjoy about any point in my life). I’m surprised, cuz many times I can complain about how it’s hot to walk, or things like how I cannot even finish reading any books in my life, and now I actually could spend hours in the library and even have my usual sitting spot at the Bugis NLB (laughs)

And yes! There are times we tend to do harmful things to yourself like drinking excessive alcohol just so we could escape from the grievances/unhappiness you have from your work, life, personal but I guess there are times I just want to be my own advisor at the back of my mind, reminding myself that instead of doing that, I can do 101 other things that could make my life more promising or productive, or even, make myself be better than who I was yesterday.

I feel like the taking up of reading changed my life quite a bit though it’s just few days into it, I feel like it helped to change my thinking, or get to distract myself from the things that upset me(tho it still daunt on me) but at least! I get occupied with things for some moments and I’m liking how it did help to keep me occupied rather than spending hours and hours thinking about the things that make me sad and dwell into the sadness that will deprive myself of every chance from being happy. It’s enriching! It’s lifechanging. I think I learnt a lot from the books I read here and there and it reminds me of how book could fill up the gaps where I ask questions to people and people would tell me things like “there are 101 situations in life and it’s very hard to even go through one by one with you on how you going to tackle that difficulty you face, you gotta go through it to learn”. Initially I detest that statement a lot, because I feel like people just do not have the patience to share things with you or people just don’t see any benefit in sharing so you could learn and grow. However, I realize, sometimes books can be your best buddies! It could fill up the gaps, widen your vision, teach you things that any other humans out there whom may not be patient or kind to share with you what they’ve gone through and how they made it better.

I hope everyone who’s dealing with something tough now would be able to look for alternatives and more meaningful things to do to make yourself feel better. Anyways! Got to get busy!

I’d update this space again whenever I feel like it again! Cheers and I sincerely hope everyone out there finds a good reason to smile everyday 🙂 If not, you can reach me via my social media or IG DM me to talk to me if you need someone to talk to! Always happy to make anyone feel better anytime 🙂

The year is coming to an end

/ littlebubblymidget / Leave a comment

Time do pass very quickly everyday when we keep ourselves busy with work, life, and people.

Honestly, everyday that passes by was a lesson for tomorrow in my current job. I’ve met so many people thru my work that I never imagined I would have if I were still from my past work where I only have to serve that very few people in my own company.. It was certainly lifechanging and I wouldn’t had it any better if I were still from my past job. Of course! Many things there are pros and cons. There are nice people around, but there are also people who taught you many things in life. Never felt that my life was so challenged every other day until I come into this particular job. However, I’m trying to think of the positive things about every misfortune that happened to me during this journey just because what would I have learnt or seen if I hadn’t gone through all these? Haha!

I guess having the right friends really was empowering when you need advise or perspectives that you may not see when you’re at certain circumstances. I made many friends, but I also kept few one close to me and just hope that they will be in my life permanently even if one day I decided to leave this industry due to better opportunities that may be there for me. Not sure what lies ahead for me, but I do have certain plans for myself and I hope I could pull through this journey while I’m at it, to deliver at least the responsibility I have to, that I remember of, when I asked for help to get into this job previously.

Never had any grit so tough till date I’m happy I came in to experience this much. Like wow! When I look back, there’s so much episodes, almost like I bag myself half a lifetime worth of experience to so many different things, from changing my personality of being introverted to becoming extroverted now, from a person who just want to do my scope and go home to now, I felt like if some things are not done to its best, then what’s the point of doing it, or even things like thinking how do I make things work or how do I have a workaround over things that may seemed so difficult to achieve, thinking of the 101 methods that I could counter just to make everyone be pleased with the situations. WOW, really very very extremely intense. The things I go through to think of how do I make people have benefit out of what I can fight for them.. not expecting for a return, but I’d just hope one day they see my good intentions and appreciate what I did for them. Probably sometimes the only return I want from people that I did so much for, was just to be appreciated. I guess many people don’t see the importance of valuing things, appreciating things that really came a long way just to get to them. I used to think by explaining myself was important so people know your intentions and why you do certain things. But I guess over time, I feel that it could be true that silence could be a louder than expressing yourself in words.

I guess.. not everyone is receptive to what you want to say and not everyone could accept things you meant well, but just didn’t put it across through the most refined way.

As for my own personal life.. this year was full of ups and downs. I’m just really so worn out till a point I just told myself maybe I should just believe that when the time is right, everything will just fall into place. I guess I just lost the spirit of fighting hard for things to stay and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. LOL!

Oh well. Life. Haha! The old mind in me just killed every fighting spirit I have to keep things going sometimes. I think I definitely channel more energy into my work rather than my personal stuffs. Oh god! Speak of the devil, why is this job sooooooooo draining! I’m tired after typing all these LOL!

Anyway, probably just wanna end this post by saying… I really do miss a lot of missing pieces to my life and I really hope some time in life, everything that I miss would fall back into place again, really.